


Through the Eyes of a Wolf

by ButterflyPup



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, M/M, POV Alternating, Prisoner of Azkaban, Remus POV, Remus/Sirius - Freeform, Sirius/Remus - Freeform, Werewolf, Werewolf McWerewolf, our favorite werewolf, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-10-23 23:49:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10729839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ButterflyPup/pseuds/ButterflyPup
Summary: Eleven years. It had been eleven years. Eleven years since the betrayal of his best friend, his lover, the most important person in his life. How could he not have known? How was it possible he didn't see it coming? He trusted him more than anyone else. But he betrayed him. He let Voldemort kill Lily and James before killing off Peter.It was 31st October 1992. And he still couldn't believe what happened. He whom he trusted with everything he had. The first person to accept him the way he was, loving him for what and who he was....How Remus Lupin became a teacher and what he experienced during Harry's third year.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to [WolfstarPups90](http://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarPups90) as a belated birthday present. I hope you will enjoy it.

Eleven years. It had been eleven years. Eleven years since the betrayal of his best friend, his lover, the most important person in his life. How could he not have known? How was it possible he didn't see it coming? He trusted him more than anyone else. But he betrayed him. He let Voldemort kill Lily and James before killing off Peter.

It was 31st October 1992. And he still couldn't believe what happened. He whom he trusted with everything he had. The first person to accept him the way he was, loving him for what and who he was.

 

Remus' hands were shaking. How many moons did he have to spend alone? How many more scars were added to his body? Why did he do it? Was the blood of his family more powerful than the love and friendship of the marauders?

 

One hundred twenty two. There were one hundred twenty two marks on the wall. Every mark for one full moon he spent alone. And it felt like every next moon made it harder. He still couldn't believe what happened.

Nightmares haunted him and the loneliness made him sick. But living here on the countryside far away from humans was the safest he could do. For everyone. He didn't want to bring people in danger. He tried it, living with people. There was no way he could have went on like that. Here it was better. Far away from anyone. Alone in this little cottage with it's old wooden walls.  
Even if he broke out during the moon there was nobody he could have hurt.  
He was just by himself, trying not to get mad.

 

Moon one hundred twenty three. One more mark on the wall. Uncountable more scratches on his body. It wasn't the first time he thought it was better to just give up but it also wasn't the last one.

He had to fight. He had to go on. James and Lily, they wouldn't want to see him like this.

But there were days he just couldn't hold himself together.

He was crying and screaming.

 

_Why, Sirius?_

_Why did you leave us?_

_Why did you leave_ me _?_

 

He couldn't understand it.

 

Moon one hundred twenty four. It would be Christmas soon. Christmas alone. But every year he received a big parcel filled with chocolate. He didn't know whom it was from in the beginning, when after the forth year he came to think that it might have been Dumbledore who was sending it to him.

 

During moon one hundred twenty five he once again broke most of his furniture. When he woke up with pain in his body on the next morning he repaired everything which wasn't much, since living here he didn't bother with too much stuff.

 

It was moon one hundred twenty eight when on the next morning he found himself in the chill grass outside of his little shack. He was lucky it wasn't too cold outside. Maybe around fifteen degrees. So he wasn't freezing. It had happened in winter some time that he had found himself outside in the snow.

And it was about one week after moon one hundred thirty one when there was an unexpected knocking on Remus' door.

 


	2. Unexpected Visitor

Remus flinched when he heard a knocking on his door. He never got visitors. He didn't even think anyone would bother coming out here. Also nobody knew where he lived besides a healer who was stopping by right after full moon. But now was not the time.

He thought a second what to do. Maybe there were muggles who lost their way...? With a deep sight he walked to the door and opened it. His eyes widened when he saw Dumbledore standing in front of him.

“Remus. It's good to see you,” the man said and smiled widely. Remus didn't really know how to react in the first place. Then he took a step back.

“Would you like to come in, Albus?” He asked and let the man step into the shack. Remus felt really uncomfortable. He hadn't seen Dumbledore for years and now he was suddenly showing up.

“I hope you liked the chocolate?” Dumbledore asked still smiling.

“Oh, yes. Yes, it was good. Thank you,” Remus answered a bit nervous and also surprised. It had been Dumbledore after all whom he got the chocolate from. “Look, Albus, I don't want to be impolite but-”

“Then just don't be,” Dumbledore sat down on the sofa and leant back. “How many years are-”

“Elven years and nine months. Albus, what do you want?” He was rushing through his words.

“I'd like to make you an offer”

“Offer? What offer?” Remus asked suspiciously but he sat down.

“What about coming back to Hogwarts? As a teacher?”

Remus stared at Dumbledore for some seconds not sure if laughing was the best way to express his feelings but he could hardly hold back. A chuckle left his mouth while he was running his hand through his hair.

“Albus, I hope you know whom you asking that”

“Yes, I certainly know that. And I also know that this is an offer you have to accept. Because you would be a great teacher.”

“Of course. And once a month I can hunt the kids down the corridors?” Remus voice was bitter. “I can't be a teacher. I'm a bloody werewolf!”

Albus went on looking at him with soft and understanding eyes. “Don't you worry about that. We have a potions master who will be pleased to brew you a wolfsbane potion every month”

“Wolfsbane?” Remus asked confused. “What is that?”

“It's a potion that will make you able to keep your mental state. You will be able to control yourself. During full moon you will only be a sleepy wolf,” Dumbledore explained patiently.

Remus opened his mouth to say something but he refrained to do so. He took a deep breath instead and shook his head.  
“No, Albus. I can't do this. This is dangerous. Too dangerous. Hogwarts is not a place where I should be at”

It seemed like Dumbledore expected this reaction. He went on smiling, which was making Remus furious, and folded his hand in his lap.

“Do you know that Harry is there?”

“I know. He will be thirteen, soon,” Remus said coldly. He didn't want to show how much it hurt to hear his name. After he was taken from him.

 

Not only did Sirius take Lily, James and Peter. It was Dumbledore who made him lose the last person he loved. Bringing him to Lily's sister and her husband. He knew about them well enough.

 

“But that doesn't change anything, Albus. I won't come to Hogwarts. And it would be nice if you could-”  
“Would you mind having a look at this?”

Remus wasn't very happy with being interrupted but he took the paper that was handed to him. He unfolded it and a little gasp left his mouth when he realised what Albus showed to him.  
  


Sirius.

He nearly dropped the paper in his hands. Without even noticing, he had gotten up, now standing in the middle of the room.

 

Sirius.

Squalid Sirius.

Dirty hair, sunken in face, fear in his eyes.

The eyes that once were shining and full of life now looked dull.

 

“You know whom he is after, Remus,” Albus said to bring Remus back from his state of shock.

Harry. Harry was in danger. Sirius would finish the task. He would...

“Hogwarts is safe for him, right? Sirius-” He felt pain in his chest when saying his name. “Sirius can't get to Hogwarts, can he?”

“I'm not sure, Remus. Sirius managed to escape Azkaban.”

“But this is not Azkaban. This is Hogwarts. And you are there!”

Remus bit his lip. He had the feeling there was more behind it. Dumbledore knew something. He suspected something. He plotted. And during the years he learned that Dumbledore plotting was never a good thing.

“I know when to give up. And I won't bother you any longer with this. You can keep that,” Albus said as he pointed to the paper in Remus' hands. “Send me an owl if you change your mind”

 

Anger was stirring up in Remus. When Albus had left he closed the door with a loud bang, leant against the wood and slowly sank down on the floor. He still held the paper, looked at the man whom he thought he would know so well.  
His fingers touched the moving photo. He couldn't really believe what he did, though there was nothing speaking for Sirius but everything against him. Eleven years and nine months later he was still believing in him... somehow. Sirius had loved James. And Lily. And Harry. Remus swallowed hard and let his hand run through his hair.

“And you loved me...” He whispered to himself.

Again he looked at the photo. This wasn't the man he used to know. This man was skinny and dirty. His eyes were dull and all the fire Sirius had inside of him had vanished. Was he really coming after Harry? Was he searching for him in this second? Harry was with Lily's sister. Was he safe there?  
He just hoped Dumbledore would know what he was doing.

Dumbledore probably didn't know what he had done to Remus by telling him this. Or he knew but did it anyway or just exactly because of that.  
Either way now the harm was done and Remus couldn't sit still, not even for a second. He felt as helpless as he had felt years ago. When Sirius had ripped his world apart. They have had plans and dreams. And Sirius destroyed them.

There was a time when they had said they'd move in together. But they didn't. The war came and distrust grew between the four friends. Distrust that ended with Remus leaving because neither Peter nor Sirius nor James (mostly because of Sirius) had trusted him any longer.

In the end Sirius had been the traitor telling Voldemort where James, Lily and Harry were. He made him kill his friends before he also got rid of Peter together with some innocent muggles.  
He didn't know any more how often he tried to convince Dumbledore it couldn't have been Sirius. But everything spoke against him. So in the end he believed it. There was no other possibility.

 

At first Remus wanted to take Harry but Dumbledore had dissuaded him out of it. Of course. Harry wouldn't be safe with him. He was dangerous. A monster. Having Harry was too big of a risk and he understood Dumbledore in this point. But bringing Harry to those people... He had had a bad feeling with it.  
In the end Remus was alone like he always had been. He was completely for himself. Greyback had tried to make him stay at his den. But how could he? There was no way he would have wanted to be such a danger to other people. He couldn't turn them and he didn't want to. He was suffering and living with the fact that someone else would have to go through the same was impossible.

Sirius had often tried to explain to Remus why he didn't think of him like he might have thought of others like him. He hadn't been a monster to Sirius. He was a human that once a month became a wolf. But he had accepted him. After all it had been Sirius who was the monster.

 

During the years Remus didn't really contact anyone, didn't talk to anyone besides Hagrid whom he had sent photos to. He wanted him to give them to Harry when he was coming to Hogwarts. He should know about his parents, should see how they looked like. He wanted Harry to have a image of them. But he left out everyone else. Neither Sirius nor Remus himself was on the photos. Also Peter was left out because it should just have been about Lily and James. His parents. The persons who loved him most.  
He always though Sirius was the next in the row. He loved Harry as much as James did. He had always said he loved him twice as much. At least. The way he looked at Harry, the way he touched him... so careful and with eyes full of love.

How could he have done that? Why? It just didn't make sense. Harry was a part of his family. He protected him, he fed him, played with him and even cleaned his diapers.

“Fuck,” the man with the sand brown hair screamed and threw the armchair over. How should he go on like this...?

Remus tried to distract himself. He read, made a walk outside and when coming back he took a nap for a while. Maybe he could go on like this. Somehow. Knowing that Sirius was after Harry. He had to try...

 

It took Remus two weeks until he decided what to do. In fact he knew right the moment Dumbledore had left. He couldn't stay here not knowing what was happening. He wrote a letter to Dumbledore telling him he was accepting his offer. All of sudden, just sitting in this shack drove him crazy. He wanted to leave, search for him, stop him from whatever he planned to do. He wanted to go to Harry, keep him safe. He just wanted to do something!

He needed to have faith in Dumbledore. He knew what he did, right? He just had to.  
“I will get him, James. I will get him and... I will-”  
Angry about the whole situation he walked up and down. He hated it here though he was the one who isolated himself here. It was him who had made this decision in the first place. But now he couldn't stand it any more. He wanted to go other places. He needed to. Just breaking out of here searching for Sirius. And for Harry of course.

 

The next full moon was terrible. Remus was more in pain than he had been for years. When waking up on the next morning his body was aching. He could hardly move. There were many new wounds all over his body and he was sure most of them would leave scars that would always remember him of what he was. Even if Dumbledore offered the potion he would still transform. There was no cure against it. And one day someone might found out. He would have to skip classes during full moon. As if nobody would notice that. Maybe the headmaster would come up with an idea for that? But what? He doubted there was any way to keep it a secret and if the students would find out also their parents would know sooner or later. And then he'd be alone again...

 

Sighing he reached out for the paper that showed Sirius face. Since Dumbledore's visit it had been lying on the mantelpiece. Sirius. It was all because of Sirius. He had had a meaning in his life until it was taken away from him. And now the person who had taken it was back.  
He stared at the man moving on the piece of paper and sudden anger came up. He was close to just rip the photo and throw it away.

“This is your fault! Just your fault!” Remus yelled at the photo. “You promised to keep him safe! You promised... You said you would never... You'd die before betraying him...” His voice became more quiet. He choked on a sob. “You promised to be with me. No matter what.” And with that he held the paper clenched to his chest. “I loved you, Sirius. I trusted you...”

 


	3. Depature

Though the other teachers usually arrived at Hogwarts before the students Remus couldn't. During the night of 31th August and 1st September was a full moon. He had to stay back and wait. He couldn't go to Hogwarts just yet. This last night he didn't want to be a threat to anyone.

In the end there was no choice besides taking the Hogwarts Express instead of apparating to Hogsmeade. Early in the morning together with his suitcase he made his way down to King's Cross, walking through the barrier to track 9¾. The suitcase had been a present from James, Sirius and Peter. They had always been laughing about him checking on their home works or holding them back when doing a prank that was way too risky. So they gave him the case with “Professor R.J. Lupin” stamped on it. He used it every year for Hogwarts, making it look old and there also were some stains on it. No one of them would ever have thought that Remus would use it as a Professor one day. And Remus himself was likely the last who thought he would use it one day the way it was meant to use. At least telling by the letters on it.

 

Remus sat down in a compartment and tried to sleep since he didn't get any sleep that night. He was tired and in pain and wanted to forget about it. Just when he thought would have slept in he suddenly heard voices. Of course he knew that at some point kids might come inside. He just kept his eyes closed trying to go back to sleep again. He took a deep breath and slowly doze in, not aware what was happening around him. He didn't hear the talking about Sirius or whom he was actually sitting next to. He also couldn't take notice of the trolley witch or any students who stopped by. The aching in his body slowly disappeared and he relaxed on his seat. He just needed that sleep after the long tiring night.

 

The wolf inside of him had given him a rough time. When he had woken up there were more scratches on his body, more marks that would never disappear. He didn't mind the look of them. But he despised the meaning. They reminded him of what he was every single day: a monster. He was just a monster. Sirius would have hit him for that thought, yelled at him. But Sirius wasn't here. Nobody was here. He was alone like he had been the last twelve years.  
Every time he closed his eyes he could see Sirius face. His laughing face when he was dragged away. He had only heard people talking about it and still he saw his face so clear as if he had been standing right in front of him that night.

The night he betrayed his friends, his family. The night everything changed.

 

Though he slept relatively good, compared to other nights, he slept by far not long enough since he was interrupted by the many voices and noises in the compartment. It took him a moment to understand that the train had stopped and the lights were off.

“Quiet!” he said with a hoarse voice when everyone around was talking and people seemed to trip over another. He slowly got rid of blanket and cast a spell to light a flame in his hand.

“Stay where you are,” he said again before getting up and heading towards the compartment door. In the corner of his eyes he could see the face of a boy whose green eyes were focusing him. The eyes of Lily in young James' face. A stinging pain seemed to grab his chest making it impossible for him to breathe. _Harry_. He knew the boy had some similarities with his parents. It had been visible already when he had been a baby. But seeing him like this was very different. It was the first time after so many years to see him again. Now he looked just like James had looked when he had gone to school with him. Just his eyes were the same soft green as Lily's had been. He didn't even need much more light than that to be sure on this.

 

Just when he arrived at the door it slid open and he was facing a cloaked creature he knew too well. Back when the war had been going on they had been everywhere. _Dementors_. The so-called 'guards' of Azkaban. Of course they were here. Searching the train for Sirius. The compartment got freezing cold. He felt like the last pieces of the happiness that was left inside of him was sucked out. He had to concentrate.

“None of us is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go,” he said stern before pulling his wand. “Expecto Patronum,” his voice was just a whisper but it was enough. A silver creature resembling a wolf came out of his wand, running towards the Dementor and forcing it to back off.

 

“Harry! Harry!” Remus heard a voice and turned around. Harry was lying on the floor, a red haired boy kneeling on the one side, while the black girl with the curly and frizzy hair was kneeling on the other side. The other two were still sitting on the same spots as before. The train started moving, the lamps turned on again and Harry opened his eyes. The two kids next to him helped him back into the seat.

“Are you okay?” the red haired boy asked obviously worrying.

“Yeah,” Harry answered and looked at the door where Remus had chased him away with his Patronus charm. “What happened? Where's that – that thing? Who screamed?” Harry asked looking around.

  
Remus frowned at this words. Nobody had been screaming. It had been quiet. Very quiet. His thoughts were wandering around. Dementors made people relive the worst moments they experienced. What if he saw the death of Lily again? Maybe it was her screaming. But then again... did he even realise back then? He was just a little boy not knowing what was going on. So why would that be his worst memory? Completely lost in thoughts he didn't realise the ginger boy talking again.

 

“No one,” he said to answer the question. Remus looked at him, blinked a few times. Before Harry could ask more of those questions Remus took out a chocolate bar and broke it. Surprised by the snapping noise of it the kids looked to him.

“Here,” Remus said and handed a large piece of the chocolate over to Harry. “Eat it. It'll help.” But instead of eating Harry went on asking.

“What was that thing?”

“A Dementor,” Remus answered while handing out chocolate to the others. “One of the Dementors of Azkaban.” He felt the eyes of everyone on himself, but didn't explain any further. Instead he put the crumpled chocolate paper in his pocket and leant back. It was better not to answer too many questions now. Harry should calm down first. So should the others, though nobody else was as pale as him. Of course not. Harry was the only one who had experienced something that horrible. It was no surprised he was that prone to Dementors.

“Eat,” he repeated. “It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me...” And with these words Remus stood up and left the compartment with a last look on Harry.

 

His thoughts drifted away as he was going along the corridor of the trains. They really sent Dementors into a train full of kids? He shook his head to himself. That was crazy. What did the Ministry think? As if there weren't enough Dementors patrolling yet... He bis his lip and walked towards the footplate. When he opened the door the man standing there turned around.

“They are gone, right?” he asked and Remus nodded.

“Yes, for now. How long will it be until our arrival?” Remus wanted to know and the man took a look outside, then on his watch on which the hands were moving way too fast for a normal watch.

“About thirty minutes, Sir,” he then answered. “Unbelievable... Dementors on the Hogwarts Express...” It was only a mumbling but Remus heard it.

“I hope they won't stop us again,” he said and the man sighed deeply.

“True, true. But what else to do with Black running around somewhere. Dangerous. Very dangerous,” he added.

Remus just nodded, obviously not in the mood of talking about Dementors or Sirius Black any more. Instead he changed the topic.

“Is there a possibility to send out an owl?” He asked and the man pulled a little bell.

“Of course there is,” he answered. “Just give the baggage wagon a visit. They will know you're coming.”

“Alright. I will. Thank you, Sir,” Remus said gratefully and left the footplate.

 

He needed to let Dumbledore know about what has happened. He walked to the specific wagon and was handed a cage. “She's our fastest. Just leave it to her,” the witch handing him over the cage said.  
Remus thanked her and pulled out a paper and a ball-pen to write. Though using them through his whole school time he still preferred ball-pens over quills.

 

>>Albus, there were Dementors on the Hogwarts Express obviously searching for Sirius. Harry didn't take it well and fainted. He's alright but I hope I don't need to expect more Dementors at Hogwarts.

-R. Lupin<<

 

He attached the paper to the owls leg and opened a window, let her fly outside. He didn't feel well when thinking about those creatures. Was that really necessary? He sighed a little, thanked the witch again and left the wagon to go back.

 

The students in the compartments seemed to all share what they had experienced right now. He picked up some of the words when doors were opened and closed again. But most of it was just a murmuring in his ears.

Arriving at compartment he had been in before he opened the door and looked around just to notice the chocolate in Harry's hands. He gave the boy a small smile.

“I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know...” He couldn't really believe Harry still didn't eat it. But finally he took a bite and Remus sat down on his spot again. “We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes” Again he looked at the boy next to him. Now in the light he was even looking even more like James. The same uncontrollable, unkempt hair, the dark skin and he even wore glasses. Just the mischievous shine in his eyes was missing. Instead they were so trusting and gentle like Lily's had been.

He sighed deep and looked out of the window where he could hardly see anything. It was pitch black outside. Then he turned back. “Are you alright, Harry?” he asked and wanted to scold himself the next second. Was he supposed to know his name? But Harry didn't ask. He just nodded and pressed out a little “Fine.”

 

It was very quiet until their arrival at the station. When they finally left the train Remus lost sight of Harry who probably had gotten on a carriage already. He walked towards another one, gently stroked the nostrils of the Thestral in front of it and sat down inside.

During his school days he – and the other Marauders – had always wondered how the carriages had moved. But now he knew. Thestrals. Of course. After he had seen people die in the war he was now able to see them. But he also noticed that some of the students did. There was that blonde girl, that had petted one of them. And the boy who had been in the compartment with him.

 

As they travelled to the castle he felt thrown back to his childhood when everything had been different. When he had been happy with his friends and the worst thing they had worried about was a bad mark or how to sneak outside during full moon. He ruffled his hair, bit his lip. After so many years he was now coming back to the place that he had called his second home.

He was sure to know all secret passages, all the ways you could get out or inside of the castle. Or the ways to the kitchen. They had all written down on their map that had been confiscated before their graduation. They had been quite sad about it and even tried to get it back. He wondered if it would still exist or if it had already been thrown away...

 

When the carriage arrived at Hogwarts he got out of it just to see a blond boy next to Harry who was obviously not happy about that. Slowly he came closer. “Is there a problem?” Remus asked with a mild voice. The boy turned around, gave him some looks.

“Oh, no – er – _Professor_ ,” he answered and smirked at his taller friends before taking the steps up to the castle. Harry and his friends took the same way but Remus stayed back for a second. Even here he could see Dementors around. He really hoped there weren't any more closer to the castle.

With a deep sigh he started taking the steps to the castle as well and when finally walking through the giant doors a warmth was sinking on his body. A warmth he hasn't felt for years...

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suitcase idea by [werewolfmcwerewolf](https://werewolfmcwerewolf.tumblr.com/post/150553196151/headcanon)


	4. Welcome Home

When Remus was guided to his office by a teacher whom he didn't know from his days at Hogwarts. Also he didn't seem much like a talkative person so they stayed quiet until the arrival. It was strange to see all the corridors he remembered from years ago again. But it felt good. It was completely different from the place he'd stayed at before. It was warm and it was... like home.

“We will expect you for the sorting soon. Please don't be late,” the man said with a soft voice that didn't really fit him.

“I will be there,” Remus answered with a polite smile and when the door was closed he sat down on the desk in the middle of the room, a little smile pinned to his lips. He was finally back. His eyes wandered around in the room. Other than the desk and it's very comfortable looking chair there were some shelves with books and some cabinets. From the window he could look at the grounds but now everything was dark outside. He would have to wait until tomorrow for a proper view outside.

He got up from the desk again and turned to the desk itself since he had seen some papers on it when he entered the room. Timetables and schedules. Again. He had already got them but these seemed to be the final versions of it. There were some changes to the previous version but it wouldn't be a big deal.

Sighing deeply Remus took a last look around the room but there wasn't much time to enjoy the moment here. He had to go to the Great Hall for the sorting. And of course for the dinner his stomach was screaming for. He was very hungry and eager to go to the Great Hall to see it again.

He just put away his travel cloak before leaving his rooms.

 

Finding the way to the hall was not a big deal and when he stepped inside he was overwhelmed with emotions. The candles floating in the air, the voices of all the people echoing from the high walls, the roof that looked transparent to show the sky outside...

He hadn't felt that good since... since when? His graduation? The day he moved together with Sirius? The soft “I love you”s Sirius had whispered into his ear every night?

And then the war had come. His heart ached at the thought. He knew he shouldn't let it too deep. “It's over,” he wanted to calm himself. But was it really over? Now that he was back and going after Harry.

 

Remus shook his head a little to take a deep breath. Though many things appeared to be the same, the situation was different. There were different kids at the tables, some teachers he had never seen before and also he was one of them. So he came closer to the table to sit down. He felt Snape's eyes on him, looked over and tried a tentative smile. They hadn't seen each other in years and he wanted to try a new start. They were teachers and adults after all. But the glare in that dark eyes told him this thought was obviously one-sided. Snape hated him. After all this year he still didn't get over it.

The sorting had already started and his eyes followed the kids before he looked over to the tables.

He realised Harry and his black friend were missing but so was Professor McGonagall who entered just in time when the sorting was finished, together with Harry and the girl who he was accompanying him in the train as well. Professor McGonagall then rushed to her seat at the teacher's table and sat down.

 

As Dumbledore was holding his speech the atmosphere got weird due to the topic. Of course he was talking about the Dementors and Remus was slightly shocked to hear that they'd also be on Hogwarts grounds. Wasn't that a bit too much? They were dangerous. And obviously they also didn't care about who was in front of them. His gaze moved to Harry who was sitting at the Gryffindor table.

“On a happier note,” Dumbledore suddenly continued, “I am pleased to welcome two new teachers to our ranks this year. Firstly, Professor Lupin, who has kindly consented to fill the post of Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher” Kindly consented... This was a nice way to put it. As if he had any other choice than agreeing when Harry was in danger because Sirius had managed to escape from Azkaban. Agreeing to this was the only thing he could have done and Dumbledore obviously knew that. He used this knowledge to bring Remus here. He didn't know why, not yet at least. But he would make sure to find out. Maybe it was for Remus to get his revenge? But he didn't even know what he would do if Sirius would appear right in front of him. One half of him wanted to hurt him the same way he hurt Remus. But another part of him just wanted to hold him. And after all he finally wanted an answer: Why?

 

There was a little applause mostly coming from the students around Harry. He tried a little smile before Dumbledore went on talking.  
“As to our second new appointment,” he continued, “well, I am sorry to tell you that Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher, retired at the end of last year in order to enjoy more time with his remaining limbs. However, I am delighted to say that his place will be filled by none other than Rubeus Hagrid, who has agreed to take on this teaching job in addition to his gamekeeping duties.”

Another applause followed that was _much_ louder than the one before. Especially the Gryffindore table was very enthusiastic about it but Remus couldn't help himself and joined the clapping while looking at Hagrid who was wiping his tears on the table cloth.

He had always liked Hagrid. Though he gave him hard times – together with the Marauders – he was truly convinced that he would be a nice teacher. Also he had a weak spot for all kinds of creatures and even when he had heard about him being a werewolf he never thought differently of him. He supported him and the most important: he never talked about this with anyone. He had always accepted him, offered him tea, tried to cheer him up. “There are worse things than being a werewolf. There are humans that are monsters all there life. And you're just a little wolf,” Hagrid had often said. He also knew he had been the one to bring Harry away from Godric's Hollow. He was a very kind man. Making him a teacher could be a good choice.

 

“Well, I think that's everything of importance. Let the feast begin,” Dumbledore concluded his speech over the loud clapping before the food appeared. Remus started eating and _Merlin_ , had he missed this. After the full moon he felt like starving, making him eat even more than usually.

“Oh, dear. Minerva told a lot about you. Excellent student, a good boy, quite some sly friends,” said the teacher next to him. He swallowed hard, not sure of how to react. It took him a second before smiling a little.

“It's a pleasure to be back,” he just answered to change the topic, “you learn to appreciate something the moment you miss it.”

“True words. But now you're back here, I see. Hope the students won't give you a hard time”

“The ones I got to know on the train were very nice,” Remus now smiled a bit more and let his eyes run over the many chatting and eating students at the tables. “Not meaning to bother you but would you mind telling me the students names?” Remus took out a small notebook and a ball-pen.

“Oh, is this a ball-pen? Please let me see for a second,” the witch took it and looked at it quite fascinated. “A beautiful piece. Where did you get it?” She gave it back to him.

“It's a present from my parents. My mother was a muggle,” Remus explained. “May I assume then, from the excitement over a ball-pen, that you're the teacher for Muggle Studies?”

The witch laughed and hold out her hand. “You're right there. How very impolite of me. Charity Burbage. Professor for Muggle Studies,” she said and shook his hand. “But back to the students. I don't have all of them in classes. As you might have guessed not many muggleborns attend my classes. But I can tell you the names of all of the students I know.”

 

When Dumbledore raised his voice again to end the feast Remus' notebook was full of names, houses and here and there also information about the students themselves. Finally he had also found out how Harry's friends were called. Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. The other boy from the train was Neville Longbottom – who was said to be very talented with plants by Pomona Sprout, the Herbology teacher – and there was also Ginny Weasly, little sister of Ron. The blond boy he had seen at the arrival just two hours ago was called Draco Malfoy. He knew the name and also knew who the Malfoy's were. And he would yet have to see how Draco turned out to be when his parents were like that...

 

As Remus walked back to his office and his sleeping chamber he took another look at the notebook. Next to Fred and George Weasley's names – “I heard not even their mother can tell them apart” – was a little exclamation mark. “Keep an eye on them. Not only during the lessons,” Charity had emphasized and Remus would remember that. They couldn't be worse than James and Sirius, right? But there also was a Percy Weasley. Yet another Weasley boy and he was a prefect. So he should be very different from those two trouble makers.

He scratched his head and went on reading through the names. Seamus, Dean... they had all sat close to Harry and were talking together. Maybe they were the same age? He would find out tomorrow if they were all in the same class.

He wondered how the first lesson would be, anyway. He would have the second years tomorrow and the seventh years. Third years wouldn't be until Thursday. Somehow he was really excited since this was the first time he felt like he was doing something meaningful.

 

Finally arriving in his office Remus started decorating and putting his things in place before entering his sleeping chamber. There he undressed, put his robes in the wardrobe and sat down on the bed, slowly unfolding a paper he had placed on his bedside cabinet before he had gone to the hall. The photo of Sirius, thin and gaunt, was facing him and he sighed deeply, leant back against the wall.

Why? Again he asked this question. He had asked it so many times he lost track of it. And why was he coming back? Why now? Why not earlier or later? Why at exactly this time? He shook his head a bit and put down the paper again before lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling for a moment. A deep sigh left his lips. No matter what was happening. He would have to be strong. For Harry. He had to protect him.

He grabbed for his notebook again, checking the students names and closed his eyes to remember their faces. He didn't want to fail as a teacher. He wanted to make the students have fun and learn something. It was the first time since forever he was that much with other people again and there was no way he would let himself ruin this.

 


	5. Lesson One

When Remus entered the Great Hall on the next day the feeling was as overwhelming as it had been the day before. Warmth was growing in his body when he saw the full tables and he sat down. After greeting the other teachers his eyes were moving to the students, watching them. He tried to remember the names, took out his notebook and read through it again. He was sure he wouldn't be able to remember all the names right now but he wanted to try. This place here was important to him and he didn't want to disappoint – neither other teachers nor the students.

 

As Remus reached out for some sausages and put three of them on his plate he heard Snape who must just have entered the hall because he hadn't been there before.  
“So greedy for meat, as you always have been, Lupin”  
Remus let out a chuckle. It wasn't the first time and wouldn't be the last one Snape was slipping comments about his lycanthropy. “I didn't know you where so considerate, Severus,” he answered with a smile making one of Snape's corners of his mouth twitch. Still the black haired man sat down next to Remus. An uncomfortable silence followed for several minutes.

“You're a danger to the people here. I'm sure you know that?” Snape asked after a while.

“I'm aware of that, indeed. It is me who has lived with those difficulties for many years now. But Dumbledore-,” Remus started but was interrupted.

“Dumbledore never experienced how much of a danger you have been to others.”

“And yet he asked me to come here. He ensured me it wouldn't be a problem. A potion will-”

“Wolfsbane. Oh, yes he's right with that. Will let you sleep like a good little puppy” Snape curled his lips and looked at Remus with disgust. “I will be the one brewing it for you”

For not even a second Remus looked surprised but then he smiled. “For that, I'm very grateful. As the Master of Potions – that's how Dumbledore called you – I am really sure you will do a good job. Because after all this _is_ your job. So if you excuse me now? I have lessons to go to”

 

Remus pushed back his chair and got up to leave the hall. So Snape would be making the potion for him. He shouldn't be surprised about that much. After all he knew he was very talented in Potions. He always had the best grades in that subject. So he was sure he wouldn't poison him – especially because it was Dumbledore who ordered him to brew that potion.  
After the history they had together it was still a bit of a weird situation to think of. And Snape obviously stuck to his opinion that it had been Remus' fault when Sirius had sent him to the Shrieking Shack. He couldn't care less about it now but he knew that Snape would let him feel what he thought of him.

 

Walking down the corridors Remus didn't even think of the right way for one second. He had been sneaking around Hogwarts for seven years and he knew every place in here, every secret passage and every step on the stairs that wasn't actually a step or the doors that weren't doors. This had been more of a home than every other place he had been living at. Besides... He took a deep breath and tried to ignore the memories stirring up in him which was useless from the start. There were so many emotions connected to this place and to the other one he once had called home.

 

 

“ _This is it!” Sirius said with a wide smile when walking through the empty rooms of the little house. “Please, Remus! This is so nice. Take a look out of the window!”_

_Remus laughed and came closer now standing right behind Sirius. “It would be hard to say no now, anyway. We already signed the contract.” Slowly he wrapped his arms around Sirius waist and pulled him closer. He could smell his shampoo, smoke from the cigarette he had smoked before and a touch of dog with it._

“ _This is our home now” Sirius turned around in Remus' arms to steal a kiss from him. His hands moved to his cheeks and he smiled softly. “This is the place that's just ours... And for... that time of the month... We will go out to the forests. I will take care of you, my Moony”_

“ _I know you will,” Remus answered, his hands moving over Sirius' back, stopping at the waistband. “You always did”_

“ _It's because I love you, Re. Now let's get this on! The others will come soon. And we want to at least have a sofa to sit on,” Sirius laughed, moved away from Remus and started to unpack boxes._

 

“Remus? Remus, are you alright?” Remus suddenly heard a voice and looked up. He was standing in the middle of a corridor, deep in his thoughts.

“Yes, I'm alright Professor... Minerva,” he said slowly and smiled at the witch in front of him. He was so used to calling her Professor that he could hardly prevent himself from doing so.

She looked at him careful and her eyes narrowed a bit. But she didn't insist on questioning more. “Then I hope you will realise this is not the way to your classroom,” she went one and pulled her lips to a little smile.

Instantly Remus looked around, then shook his head at himself. “Of course not. I will just...” He turned around and left, leaving his former teacher behind. A little pink blush appeared on his cheeks. He should just stop thinking about the past too much. He was here now. But that exactly was the problem. Everything reminded him of the past. Places he had spent time at with his friends. And Sirius. Sirius who was now after Harry.

 

At the next corner he turned to the right to find the classroom he would give his first lesson at. He was really excited but also very nervous since he didn't know how well he would be able to deal with everything.

Some students were already in the room, turning around, when Remus came in. 'Stay calm,' he told himself but it wasn't that easy. “Good morning,” he started and gave everyone a smile. The answer was quiet and mumbled by most students. Remus didn't care much about that, though. When going to school here it had been the same.

“We didn't start the lesson yet, so feel free to talk. I will also have to prepare some things,” he explained and sat down behind his desk, sorting his notes and going through his little book. Names. Names. This was important to him. He wanted to know the names...

 

When the second years left the classroom they were chattering with each other, all of them smiling.

“Did you see my _Protego_ charm? I had never really managed to do it right,” one Slytherin girl said while leaving the room with her friend who was turning around again, waving at Remus before the door closed.

Remus let out a deep sigh. This had been his first lesson. And it hadn't been too bad. He had shown them protection charms and how to deal with silent spells. It had seemed like everyone had had a good time. Also Remus had been able to memorise more names which would help him for sure.  
A smile appeared on his lips. Somehow he felt really good being here now. Maybe it had been the right decision after all. No matter if the real reason for him to be here was Sirius or Harry. He enjoyed it. At least the first lesson since he didn't know what else would come.

 

In the later class he had one of the Weasley siblings. Percy. He wore his prefect badge on his robe and when asking the class he was very prepared and knew answers on nearly every question. Even if the others didn't know. That way he also could find out what they had been doing in the lessons until now and how much everyone of the students knew.

Since they were in the seventh year he thought it would be a good age to talk about unforgivable curses. This was something that would always exist. No matter if Voldemort was dead or not. Right now there was Sirius coming after Harry and he surely wouldn't stop and hold back just because of another student. Also one wouldn't be able to hold him back just by using _Expelliarmus_.  
There was more behind it. And they should be prepared for that. Maybe it wasn't something he should have done with the students in front of him. But he knew how it was to not have been prepared. They had thought everything would be alright until it wasn't. Nobody had told him or any other classmate of him how to deal with the situation.

 

“That's it for today,” Remus ended the lesson and Percy came to him while the others left.

“Professor Lupin, you will stay for longer, right? We didn't have proper lessons for a while now and I'm sure the younger ones didn't learn much. It would be nice to finally have a teacher again who is consistent in his lessons and will teach in a proper manner”

“For now I am here and I will try to make up the years they didn't learn a lot. Thank you for sharing your worries, Mr. Weasley,” Remus answered and smiled at him. “It will be a lot of work I think but I will give my best. This is my job as a teacher, after all.”

 

Remus was moved in a strange way to be told that. He didn't know if Percy had been telling this also to their former teacher or not. But being entrusted with something like that meant something to him and when Percy left the room with a 'Thank you, Professor' he smiled again before sinking down on his chair.

 

In the evening when sitting in the Great Hall again he was more than happy that McGonagall was sitting next to him. She seemed to be a bit worried about him and let him know that by also asking about how his day had been.

“It must be very new to you, Remus,” she said softly, making him nod.

“It is. But I enjoyed today. And I'm sure I will also enjoy the next days. It's something different from... what I've been doing before. And this is very welcome,” he brown haired man answered. “The students are very nice and they looked quite happy. I feel good to be here again”

“That's nice to hear. I was worried it might be too much after last night...?”

“Oh, not at all. I was feeling alright again. Please don't worry about it. I... got used to it”

 

Remus could see in her eyes that she wanted to say more but she stayed quiet, maybe not sure about his reaction. Living so many years with lycathropy made him get used to it. He just had to, no matter if this was sad or not, or pitiful or not. It wasn't easy, hadn't been easy from the beginning but maybe now that he was here, it would become easier. He had no experience with wolfsbane potion yet. But soon he would find out how it would be.

 

Getting up from dinner his legs lead him back to his office but just before turning to the corridor where he found it, he stopped and turned around. He wanted to visit some places of the castle again and find out if they'd still exist.

He opened a door leading to a room that had already been empty when he went to school. He had often come here when he wanted to be alone and also today he would be very alone here. At least he thought so. But when he heard a rattle in the corner of the room he pulled out his wand.

Slowly he moved towards the cabinet standing there and moving slightly. With a wink of his wand the door opened and Remus was ready for everything that would come out. When it was just the image of the moon coming closer he laughed a little. “Riddikulus!” he said, making the moon explode and flying back into the closet. He shut the door again and frowned.

Maybe this would be something he could do with his students. Boggarts would fit the lessons and make the students deal with their biggest fears. This was very important after all.

 

When Remus lying in bed this evening he was satisfied with the day that had been so different to what he experienced during the last years and he couldn't wait for the next day.

He closed his eyes, sleeping in soon after. Dreams where haunting him, but for the moment he even enjoyed reminiscing about that memories.

 

“ _I didn't expect Pads to be that good in decorating,” James said mildly impressed as he walked through the living room._

“ _It's really nice. I'm glad you finally found a fitting place,” Lily added with a smile and gently touched Remus' arm. Finding a place for Remus had been really hard. He didn't want to live too close to anyone else, while not being to shut off of the civilisation. A forest would be needed because Moony would go crazy in just one room in the basement. Since Sirius could be with him it was better for him then. He would hold him under control and even James promised to join them every once in a while._

_Softly Remus laid his hand on Lily's. “Thanks to you. We wouldn't have found this place without you”_

_Peter was following James to the other rooms. “Good you don't have neighbours nearby. I'm sure they would be quite annoyed by you,” James laughed when he was walking through the bedroom._

“ _Shut it, Prongs!” Sirius yelled and came to the bedroom to pick a fight with James. In the end they were rolling on the floor, grabbing each others clothes and laughing._

 

Seeing them like this, Peter cheering for James while Lily cheering for Sirius to annoy James had made Remus feel happier than ever.

During his sleep Remus didn't even realise how tears were running down his cheeks.

 


End file.
